SOMETIMES LESS EQUALS MORE

I love to write. I don’t want to become a writer or a celebrity author (especially the Chetan bhagat type). All I want to do is write. Like a chain smoker who smokes for nothing but the pleasure of smoking, I write for nothing but the pleasure of writing.

After two years of completely mundane and frustratingly monotonous work at one of the biggest IT firms in the country, I started looking for something more interesting to do. One fine day I get a call, like a drop of water on a parched paddy field, a sweet voice tells me something I wanted to hear all my life

“I will give you a job and all you have to do is write!!!”

Just imagine a situation where someone calls you and offers a handsome pay just to watch your favorite sunny deol(read sunny leone) movie every day. I was in pretty much the same state. Just to bring me back from the land of ecstasy, the voice further added

“To get the job, you must write an article that blows me off. It must be based either on your experience or expertise”

EXPERIENCE OR EXPERTISE:

I spent the next one week pondering over this million-dollar question, “Experience or Expertise”. I am a proud Indian youngster. Like most Indians and in most cases India itself, I realized that I was staggeringly average in everything I do and ever did. There is no single area of life that I could call myself an expert in. Thus my options crumbled down to just “Experience”.

Google tells me, “Experience is an event or occurrence which leaves an impression on someone”. I decided to go out in search of an experience worth writing about. An experience that will be worth a reader’s time when he reads about it.

THE EXPERIENCE

On the 26th of June 2016, I set out on a journey to find some experience with a group of faithful friends.  After a lot of research, I had zeroed in on the Nagalapuram waterfall in the Tamil Nadu-Andhra Pradesh border as my destination.

Mythology tells us, whenever a hero loses his path on any adventure, a voice from above will guide him with directions. In my case too, a voice guided me on my adventure. It was not a voice from above but was coming right from my phone. The world today calls it google maps.After a 3 hour long journey, which in my opinion is in itself a separate experience we reached the foothills of the nagalapuram hills. From here on our journey was to begin.

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As we embarked on our journey, we heard a weak fumbling voice from behind. It belonged to lanky, old man from a small village in the foothills of nagalapuram. In a Telugu mixed Tamil that only people in the borders can speak, he told us

“If you guys are planning to take the trek to the waterfall, shall I be your guide?”

Though the thought of having a local person guide us through the forest path sounded tempting, we were quite apprehensive as he seriously did not look like a person who could trek the threateningly high hills. Looking at our reluctant faces he turned away and started walking towards the hill.

Something is better than nothing, a voice inside me shouted. I turned towards my friends and they all nodded in unison as if they heard the voice inside me and so we followed him like a whole group of hutch dogs. Exactly 10 min after we started treading along behind the old man, the dry hot area in which we started turned into a beautiful thick jungle.

In the next half an hour, our legs slowly started to feel the stress of the inclination and the effort of the struggling trekkers was visible with the heavy pants and gasps for breath. But with no single sign of struggle the old fragile man trotted along. After about an hour’s trek, we reached a place that was a real sight for sour eyes.

Level 1

The waterfall in Nagalapuram is split into five levels. Five places at which the beautiful flow of the water takes a break,cuddles itself into a pond and gathers energy before continuing its sprint towards its ultimate destination ie the ocean. We had reached level 1. I bent down, filled my empty water bottle with the flowing water and took a sip. I realized that the plain tasteless liquid I have been using to quench my thirst all life long does not deserve to be classified as water at all.  The water from the river with all its minerals had a taste that I have never felt before.

“Where is this water coming from?” I asked our guide

“Heaven”, he said, pointing upwards towards the hill top.

Level 2:

Before I could ask any further questions, he resumed his journey uphill.  With a thousand questions propping up inside my head, I followed him with all my friends right behind me. The next one hour of our journey was a real test of ability. We had to do every trick in the book to get past the slippery rocks and risky narrow mountain passes. As the height increased the risk of falling escalated with it. Every step had to be taken with utmost care. One misstep could create unimaginable repercussions.

After several slips, close calls, risky jumps and of course back breaking walk, we finally reached Level 2.  All the best architects of the world together could not design a sexier swimming pool. With the right depth, right flow and perfect translucent water, this was definitely a classy hangout place to spend the afternoon. But I had not come here for fun, I came in search of an experience right.

I walked up to the guide and asked him.
“How far is level 3?”

Had he restrained to a simple, “it’s too far, not reachable”, I would have stayed back and relaxed. But without uttering a single word, he started walking again. The curiosity to know what is beyond motivated us and one by one all of us left the swimming pool from paradise behind, to continue our journey to level3

Level 3:Nagalapuram falls

 

Streams, slippery stones, slithering snakes. These are just a few of the hurdles we had to cross on our journey to the next level.  As the elevation increased, the thickness and the wilderness of the forest also increased. When we reached a large slippery rock , for the first time in that entire journey, the pruney old guide turned back to give me a hand. When I climbed on the rock and looked beyond, a view that will never leave my mind was awaiting me. We had finally reached level 3.

I walked to the edge of the rock we were standing on to take a look at one of the most breathtaking visual I had ever seen. A waterfall gently pouring down water into a 50 ft deep pond with the water slowly slipping away like the clothes of a stripper in the other end of the pond. The beautiful translucent water exposing all the schools of fishes inside. My heart beat was at its highest, the exhaustion of the long trek disappeared. All I wanted to do was jump into the water.

It was a twenty feet dive into the fifty feet pool. If I face any rock structure underneath, I am dead meat. Though the translucent water clearly showed the emptiness of its depths, it was too big a risk. Any man in his right senses would not make that jump.

Leap of Faith

I stepped back and sat in one corner lost in the view that was in front of me. The rest of my team were busy turning their back to the scenic beauty and pouting their lips to pose for selfies. The guide walked up sat next to me. With the grace of a professional, he took out a cigarette from his pocket, emptied all its tobacco content, filled it up with well ground marijuana leaves and lit it. He took a deep drag and chivalrously offered the joint to me. After politely declining his offer, I said

“I hate this place. I came all the way through this difficult trek, I am a good swimmer and can handle the water yet I am unable to reach it cause the jump is too risky”

With the smile of a wise man and his heavily accented Tamil, he  told me

“The humanly inaccessible points of nature are the only ones yet to be bottled up or patented by you, corporate guys”

The truth in the statement sent shivers down my spine before it could subside he added another surprise.

“This jump is not impossible, you can do it”. I was shocked. I knew the risk involved was too great but the tiniest possibility of making the jump excited me. Looking at my excited face he broadened his wise man smile and continued

“You guys carry too much baggage in your mind, body and life. Your commitments, fear of future, attachments to all the unnecessary stuff you own,all these things clutter your life. Only a guy who lets go all these clutter can make that leap of faith”

I was spellbound. The deep principle of minimalism preached by the great entrepreneurs of this generation was so casually explained by this old man in one remote corner of the world. I continued to stare at him. He said

“Thambi (bro)…take the leap and maybe you will realize that in life having less equals having more”

I walked up to that edge again. I looked down at the twenty feet fall. I knew I was standing in the middle of nowhere, risking my life on the advice of an old man who might be blabbering under the influence of marijuana. But I did it anyway

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I went more than twenty feet deep. When I finally came out, I was a changed man. All the clutter in my mind seemed to be washed away by the water. For the first time in my life I felt thankful for everything I had instead of feeling the need for more.

When I looked up, I was able to see the old man standing in the edge looking down at me with a smile. A smile that told me that I had merely scratched the surface in understanding the mysterious ways of life. A smile that echoed a hundred times in my head shouting

“You know nothing, Jon Snow!”

 

 

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Who’s to blame?

“You never have money for anything! I wish I had a rich dad!”

SLAP!!

  Bala couldn’t hold his tears back. He had made sure that his son got the best education possible. Even after countless arguments with Sumathi he was intent on sending Bala to the highest reputed school in the neighbourhood. Bala was not able to find the strength in him to meet his wife’s sympathetic eyes. He had failed to provide for his family. He had failed as a father.

Sumathi scurried into the kitchen wiping her own tears. She was surprised that she actually didn’t regret slapping her son. He deserved every bit of it and still some more. How could she have given birth to such an inconsiderate child?  She wondered if it was her fault that Shiva acted the way he did. She had not raised him well. She had failed as a mother.

Shiva was brimming with rage as he stomped his way to school cursing his parents. He couldn’t understand why he was more furious with his mother. How could she slap him defending that ill excuse for a man? He knew within that his father would refuse anyway. What he couldn’t take was standing there listening to another one of his father’s sob stories about how poor they were. He hated being poor. He hated pity even more.

As Shiva entered his class room, he encountered the very sight he had been dreading the whole way to school. It was Azhar smiling and waving his fat fingers at him animatedly.

“Hey, Shiva! Did you watch the DBZ episode yesterday? Oh! Sorry, forgot you don’t have a TV at home”, laughed Azhar  the way only fifth grade boys could.

Shiva was hearing the joke for the hundredth time, but today it stung him more than it did previously. He was not in the mood to throw the usual fat joke at Azhar. Shiva just scoffed at Azhar with contempt and took his assigned seat next to Azhar.

“What’s up with you today?” asked Azhar quizzically.

Shiva rolled his eyes and cursed at Azhar to stay silent.  Azhar being Azhar was not giving heed to Shiva and continued pestering him. Shiva at the loss of knowing how to shoo Azhar away, decided to relate the morning’s events to Azhar.

“So you are not coming for the excursion? I’ll sure miss pauper Shiva during the trip”, beamed Azhar with typical nonchalance.

Shiva hated how the other kids in his class never had to deal with the problems he had to deal with on a daily basis. It was like they all lived in a different world altogether where money was never a cause for worry. He wanted to be in their world. He hated his world.

“Can we stop talking about it now?” pleaded Shiva.

“Sure! Right after I tell everyone in class” grinned Azhar as he leapt off from his seat.

Azhar had made sure it was the class gossip of the day by the end of lunch hour. Azhar enjoyed every bit of the banter he shared with Shiva. When he saw Shiva sullen today, he knew he had some solid content to haze him with for the rest of the week or maybe even a month. The Dragon Ball Z joke was getting old and Azhar had been hoping to find something new. Shiva stayed silent for most part of the day except for a few a few curses directed at Azhar calling him fat. Azhar smirked off the usual insults and got more creative with his own jokes every passing hour. He was not able to hide his pride coming up with the wittiest jokes making fun of Shiva. Shiva hated being the butt of the joke all the time.

The best part of the day for Shiva was when the last bell rang.  It didn’t last long as Azhar chose to tag along with him as he walked to the gate.  Shiva tried to avoid Azhar by pretending to not hear him but it didn’t seem to serve the purpose.

Azhar waved bye to Shiva at the gate without getting any response. Azhar shrugged as he saw Shiva stroll his way home. Azhar turned to see his mother waiting for him at the car a few feet away. It was not often that his mother came to pick him up. He understood it must be hard for her to support the family on her own after they lost his father last year. He ran to his mother beaming and gave her a hug.

“Who’s your friend there?” she asked Azhar.

“Oh! That’s Shiva. School would be a lot less fun without him.”

“You should invite him home sometime.”

“I would, but I don’t know if he would come. He likes to keep to himself” said Azhar as they both got into the car.

“How was your day in class today?”

“It was alright. Too bad Shiva won’t make it to the excursion on Friday though.”

Best thing that (N)ever happened in my life.

 

“This is the best thing that ever happened in my life”, exclaimed the bride groom right after he kissed the bride.

“This is the best thing that ever happened in my life”, shouted the frivolous teenage beauty who won the beauty pageant.

We hear a hundred exclamations and announcements like this day in and day out.Every individual defines life by the experiences he/she went through in life. Every day, every minute and every second of our lives are characterized by the millions of experiences that we face day to day. Nobody in the world could have escaped their teenage years without hearing these golden words from their parents, ”In my experience….”.

But the million dollar question that plagues my mind for a long time is “Is experience the only thing that characterizes the amazing gift of life?”

Considering life to be a huge jigsaw puzzle, when we organize all our experiences in chronological order do we get a complete picture???

A simple observation of a courier truck gave me an answer to that question.

When the logistics giant FEDEX decided to develop a logo for their company, they not only wanted a design that propagates the company but also endorse the moto and value that the company represented and they came up with this.

fedex_zoomout

To the untrained eye it just looks like a large font representation of the brand name right!

LOOK CLOSELY

fedex_zoom

The blank space between F and the E forms an arrow mark. It indicates the movement,agility,speed and reliability – The basic characteristics that make FEDEX what it is today.

zoo_pic

Why would a tree represent a zoo?? Look closely into the blank space around the bark of the tree. Once you see the lion and the gorilla, you will never be able to unsee it again.

In both of the above cases the blank areas convey more meaning than the actual logo. Sometimes in life too, the experiences that ‘never’ happened to us carry more meaning than any experience that ‘ever’ happened to us.

Whenever we walk into a 3rd grade class room and ask the kids what they want to be when they grow up, you can see their dreams soaring through the sky. Astronaut,Pilot,President,Actress and what not.

After a few years when you go back to the same class when they reach 12th grade and repeat the same question, you get to distinguish the entire class into three distinct set of people.

1.The students who give you toned down replies such as “doctor,engineer” this is the sect of students who have accepted the so called “realistic dreams” dictated by the society

  1. The super stars in the group who get to keep their dream of being a cricket star,actress because of an impeccable track record and powerful family network(the latter being more important than the former)
  2. There is also a special third category whom the class would affectionately call the “dork heads”. This is the category of students who don’t have a successful track record, who don’t have the right connections, who have absolutely no sane route to reach their dreams ever, but who also never quit dreaming!

The beauty of life is that the second category of people get all their dreams true because they are “sane”. The first category of students also get their dreams come true because their dreams are “insanely sane” but the third category of students or the so called “dork heads” never get any of their dreams come true because their dreams are “fucking insane!!!”

As a proud member of the third category let me give you a few examples of how we work:

At the age of 5

My only dream,ambition,goal was to become the next rajnikanth. For obvious reasons that dint happen.But a fair enough dream for a kid right

At the age of 17

Like every other average Indian kid my dream too was to join the IIT. A fair enough dream for any kid, but for a guy who is struggling to get a 40 in math, dreaming of an IIT was crazy. And crazy I was. For obvious reasons the dream dint come true

At the age of 19

With the boost of motivation that comes after watching “the social network”, I wanted to be an entrepreneur. But what the movie failed to show was that mark zuckerburg was already a genius programmer who managed to top his class in Harvard. For a guy in the bottom ring of an average engineering college, it definitely was “fucking insane”. For obvious reasons the dream never came true.

At the age of 23:

When the guys around me have already settled down in life,started saving up for marriage and getting ahead in their adult life here I am falling for a girl but here too my dreams don’t fail to be “fucking insane”. I fall for a girl who is “way out of my league”.

For a guy with none of the three sixes a girl would expect (six foot, six pack, six fig salary) it just is not sane on my part to dream about being with a “princess” but that is exactly whom I fall for. For obvious reasons that dream of mine dint come true either(though she was gracious enough to accept me as her “best friend”!)

I never became rajnikanth, I never entered IIT, I never became an entrepreneur, I never got the girl but all these experiences that I “never” had made me who I am today

Every time I tried something insane I failed, the world saw me as a failure, but from every target I missed I learned something new

When I missed IIT, I learnt that there was life beyond the IIT dream

When my startup dream failed I learnt the power of perseverance and conviction

When the one girl I wanted to be with called me best friend,I learnt the power of rejection. I learnt to make myself stronger with every rejection

Of course they were all painful. It is definitely not easy to watch your dreams get shattered every time, but everytime life burns down your dream you get to be reborn from the ashes like the Phoenix bird.

Abraham Lincoln said

“I failed at the legislature, I failed to become speaker, I failed at the nomination for Congress, and that is why I became president. Had I won any of those I would have settled down there.”

Next time somebody tells you “failure is the stepping stone for success” , you please ask them to keep their success to themselves because failure makes you grow, but success makes you succumb!

Like every one in the world, dreamers like me also have the fear of failure but for us

Failure Is not aiming too high and missing, it is rather aiming too low and hitting!

Just Good Friends

One day! when the world is a better place to live in
One day! when the minds of men broadens from a brook to an ocean
One day! when the chains of women are truly broken
One day! when men realize that a girl is not a pet dog for you to protect
One day! when it dawns on men and women alike that women are perfectly equal individuals who can handle their own mind and body
One day! when girls learn to Reject stud looking jackasses
And give a chance to sober looking yet real ‘men’
One day! when insecure boyfriends realize that loyalty can only be earned and not bought/commanded/demanded
One day! when guys understand that
‘Friends’ are definitely not desperate guys waiting to ‘fuck’ your girl
That day!
Only That day! My dear! you and me can be what we want to be
Until then;a guy and a girl can never be

“Just good friends”

 Yours lovingly

One true friend

THE SOUP SONG OF A “REAL” MAN

Let me start with a story. As usual. Like all young fools in the world. I too had a love

story. Like all young fools in the world, I too believed it was special. Like all young fools in

the world, I too believed it to ‘live happily everafter’ . like all young fools in the world I too

had a breakup story. Like all young fools in the world I too realized I was a fool.

Like all young fools in the world, I too sat down with a bottle and a smoke to drown my

sorrows. Like all young fools I too had a “best friend” to share my sorrows and my bottle

(the latter more importantly than the former).

The amazingly insightful and knowledgeable ‘best friend’ put his arms around my

shoulder and told me

“I know she is a bitch man! Go ahead and crib your heart out. Cause that’s what ‘men’ do!”

And so under the Guidance of my best mate and the blessings of soup boy goddhanush.

I sit down to write my first soup song.

Friends, gals and fellow soup-boys

I come here not to praise my relationship but to bury it.

If my girlfriend ( if I can call her that anymore) had betrayed me then it definitely is a

grevious fault, but I doubt if putting facts on the table and parting as friends,shaking

hands could be termed betrayal. Yet, my friend tells me that she betrayed me and that I

should rip her apart with words cause thats what men do. So I will do it

Cause I am a man

I remember the day we met, when the world was busy judging me on looks she was able

to look through the physical and judge me based on my intellect like a true matured

individual

But today I must judge her on her one action and call her a bitch;

Cause thats what men do.

And I am a man!

I remember our elongated debates through which she taught me to look at the world

from a different perspective.

But I must forget her lesson today and look at her from my perspective alone and call her

a traitor

Cause thats what men do

And I am a man!

I remember the first kiss. When she kissed me just to show me that physical intimacy is

nothing compared to the pleasures of intellectual intimacy.

But today I must call her a whore

Cause thats what men do

And I am a man!

I recollect the pains she took to search through my entire personality, intimidations, fears

and weaknesses to identify my talent for words and make me put pen to paper.

But today I must use the writing skill that she identified to abuse her

Cause thats what men do

And I am a man!

I remember the days when we sit next to each other without exchanging a single world.

Each engrossed in a book and yet in the evening, split with the satisfaction of talking for

several hours

Yet I must accuse her cheating me with her ever so kind words

Cause thats what men do

And I am a man!

I have neither the wit,nor words nor worth to question the millions of ‘men’ for exhibiting

‘manhood’ by claiming to

Kill her ;slash her ;burn her ; abuse her.

But I just confess my inability to indulge in any such deeds there by proving myself a

hypocrite. The only thing I see myself fit to do is convey a big

Thank you.

For everything she was,is and could have been in my life.

3D

Disclaimer!

All characters in this blog post are non-fictional
Any resemblance to people living or dead is absolutely intentional

Right from the day Eadweard Muybridge discovered the, “fore father” of what we today call cinema, films by its very nature were flat and 2D. In the year 1922, approximately 30 years after the arrival of the motion picture, a gathering of exquisite guests and journalists were invited for a special movie screening. While entering  the movie hall they were all handed a pair of gawky glasses that made them appear creepy, but moments later when the movie started the very same of pair of glasses magically brought the  movie close to their eyes, so close that they could almost touch it. It gave the 2D film the third dimension. It gave the flat film the perception of depth. It gave the film a new ‘life’.

Science tells us that Humans too are perceived by fellow humans in 3D. But I beg to differ on that. I dare to say that more than 90% humans perceive, not just their fellow humans but even themselves only in 2D. Let me prove it to you!

Let us assume you are sidharth working in one of the biggest IT companies of the country. How would you introduce yourself when you meet a new person-say a hot looking girl?

“Hey I am sidhart and I am working in an IT company”

This is the introduction used by most people today but does your name and job define you perfectly???

In a country like India where there are just a handful of names for a billion people you really shouldn’t expect your name to be your identification. As for the occupation, with the population of IT professionals catching up rapidly with the total population of mosquitoes in the country, I doubt whether it will ever serve as a viable unique identification. But still from a loan to a lover, from a bribe to bride everything in India is determined only based on this 2d perception.

I am not trivializing the power of the name. A right family name (though fake) like the Gandhi family, could hand over the reins of the nation to you for decades (though some cases are beyond saving #Rahul Gandhi)

Not just the perception of identity but the perception of personality too unfortunately is always 2d. A glimpse into the common adjectives of our times, “hot, sexy, nerdy, handsome hunk to my personal favorite’s dick head and douche bag”, is all great examples of our superficial 2d perception of other people. I was no different in judging people until…

After three months of an amazing training program that gave me negligible technical lessons but huge life lessons (loser-I & loser-II).I finally made it to a project in Asia’s largest IT facility in Chennai. First day in an IT company is very much like your first day in kindergarten. Everything is absolutely alien to you. After a few formal introductions my team lead asked me to pull up a chair and sit in one of the cubicles. I was sitting there stranded like a mosquito in a spider web. There was an uneasy silence around that started suffocating me.  When the suffocation started reaching its peak, “hi, so u r the newcomer! What’s your name?” asked a female voice from right behind me. I turned back to face a kind, cheerful, fully figured girl. She was my senior in the project and also the senior most in the team.  With no air of superiority she came and spoke to me casually. For the next 15 min she told me a lot about herself. She even told me about her boyfriend. I could tell she was really into this guy from the way she spoke about him and out of curiosity I asked her

“Do you really know that your boyfriend really likes you as much as you like him?”

With a tone that was filled with love, pinches of possessiveness and sarcasm she said

“Oh…he doesn’t have a choice!!”

Care-free, fun loving, mischievous girl who lived every day of her life like a day in a picnic, this was the perception that i had about her right from day one. As a guy who has been walking around with the burden of a big ambition all through life. I was really envious of her care free lifestyle.

After about a week of joining, one fine evening I was sitting next to her and learning some technical trivia. In a light moment I asked

“So when r u planning to get married?”

In her ever so cheerful tone, she replied

“Not thought about it yet!”

“How will your parents react when they come to know about your relationship”, I asked her next.

“Oh…they know!”, she said coolly, staring at the computer screen.

“Do your boyfriend’s parents know?” I continued my quiz

“Yes of course!!” came another super cool reply without even looking at me.

“So why r u not getting married?” I pestered her again.

Her fingers that always jostles the mouse around confidently, slowly fumbled. I saw single drop of water wet the space bar of her keyboard. I looked up to realize the drop was a tear drop rolling down her cheek.

With eyes swelled up with tears and a melancholy smile that she forced on her lips she said

“I haven’t thought about our marriage cause my boy friend passed away!”

For the first time in my life I refused to believe my own ears. The floor under my feet seemed to slip away! I knew there was a mistake, I wanted to confirm, but words started betraying me. Finally I managed to blurt out a small

“What???”

“My boy friend died of cancer 2 years ago!”, Came the reply. It took some time for the reality to sync in. Slowly I started to realize. Her boy friend has been dead for two full years and yet she refers to him like he is right next to her. Whenever anybody asks about her relationship status, without a single second pause she replies, “I am committed”. How can a guy ever impact a girl this much???. I realized one thing, I have never met this guy nor will i ever meet him but i know one thing about him for sure. Though he lived a short life on this planet he has lead a meaningful one.

At that instant…”thappad” I felt a powerful slap on my face. I suddenly realized my imbecile perception of my senior. From the caricatured cinematic cheerful girl, she transformed into a deep meaningful person. I actually felt like she handed me a pair of invisible glasses that made me change my 2d view of the world into 3d.

From that day on the world has been a changed place for me. All the failures in my life strangely made more sense to me now.

When I looked at my mom who was shouting at me for my indiscipline, I was able to see her care instead of anger

When I fought with my friend for a small issue and decided to cut out our relationship, I remembered all she had done for me so far

When I saw my fragile friend going through a hard break up, I felt happy that she was becoming stronger instead of pity

Everybody has a pair of these amazing 3d glasses that gives the whole new dimension to the world. Just like the movies it’s much more fun than a  normal world

Take your pair and try them on guys…at least it’s definitely better than the lame sun glasses!!!

P.S. The reply I got from my senior when I showed her the blog post, Equivalent to a hundred standing ovations.
Don’t worry akka he will continue to live on, in all our hearts!

AKKA REPLY

NOT EXACTLY Mr. PERFECT


The confessions of an obnoxious fat guy

Have you ever had the distinct privilege of walking into a kindergarten class room? You would find 50 kids engrossed in their own worlds completely oblivious to the futile endeavors of their young teacher in trying to control them. The concepts of discipline and decorum are as alien to the class as they are to the parliament of India. Amongst all the chaos you would find a plump, rolly-polly kid whose cheeks are hanging out like those of a bull dog. That ‘lucky’ kid whom teenage girls would look at and go, “awww!!” That ‘lucky’ kid in every kg class whom hot teachers love to hug and play with. Have you ever wondered what happens to that ‘lucky’ kid as he grew up???

Don’t worry if u haven’t, because in a normal scenario even I wouldn’t have bothered to think about but by strange twist of fate that ‘lucky’ kid happened to be me.

fat_kid

@age13

After a decade the cute adorable child grew up into a “chubby kid”. The onset of teenage coupled with `the raging hormones made my environment the battle ground of the wanna be cool guys and the wanna be hot girls. When all the guys were dreaming of getting the six pack abs and the girls were dreaming of the perfect size zero, my obsession remained with my mom’s hot idly and sambhar(BTW it remains as my biggest addiction till date). When my cohorts were busy day dreaming about the mysterious adventures of the closed bedrooms, my dreams were filled with the delicious mysteries of the next day menu!

Owing to the generosity of some of my ‘so-called’ friends numerous aliases became part of my identity, but like a thesaurus all these names had a single meaning,” fatso”.

These nick names which offended me initially later became a blessing in disguise!

@age 22

Any normal guy of the gen y would have atleast once in his life time faced the perils of being “friend-zoned”. It is one of the biggest traps possessed by the females of our species to tackle the approaching male,but have you ever heard of a much more sophisticated,specialised equipment called the “bro-zone”!

Quick witted,intriguing, diplomatically honest,three abstract adjectives that remain close to the hearts of most girls but remains alien to almost all boys. I was blessed to have all of the three desirable virtues but I was also blessed with three more attributes that described me perfectly, ‘short’,’dark’,’stout’.

So what do girls do with a guy with a perfect software and not so perfect hardware?

That’s where the specialized equipment comes into play. The guy is more than just a friend but definitely can’t be a boyfriend so he gets “bro-zoned”!!!

After getting bro-zoned, a good number of times(though I am thankful to all those girls now for doing me the favour) I finally found a girl(at least I thought I did) who was a rule breaker just like me, a rebellious soul just like me and an intellectual unlike me.

Every guy has a certain characteristic that he wishes his girl would posses. It changes from person to person based on various factors. I always wanted my girl to be

       “Bold and Beautiful”

But through her amazing attitude she redefined my taste and made me realize

         “Bold is Beautiful”

Unlike conventional depictions of a girl, my description of her never includes any trivial details such as her complexion, height, weight, beauty or for that matter even her name, because none of all that never really mattered to me. Like a true sapiosexual attraction I was only attracted to her intelligence and attitude, truly nothing else (but expecting the same gesture from her in return was too much to ask I guess).She managed to make me feel so comfortable that I even for a moment forgot the years of accumulated inhibitions successfully piled up by the persistent physical abuses, frustration created due to use of derogatory nick names and the pain of all being the odd one of the crowd and asked her out! But she reminded me of all the pain with simple reply that she uttered without a small bit of hesitation

“Sorry! But you are not exactly my Mr. Perfect”

Her answer, though initially shocking was a revelation in many ways.

Though you see only one version of yourself, to the world there are two

  • The real you
  • The man you see in the mirror

Unfortunately the ‘man in the mirror’ is valued much more than you are. Though the world might say otherwise the seduction of the eye is still the most important factor in the opinion of the world.‘Tall &handsome’ guys and ‘fair and lovely’ maidens are still the templates the world embraces and if you are any different the world despises you for that.

All through childhood being “normal” was a luxury that eluded me. Thanks to my “king sized” physique I could never be one among the crowd, but as time rolled on a new awakening dawned on me,normalcy is the cancer that makes us all lead a stereotyped life. The world doesn’t want me to be different but that is exactly what I am. What started out as a physical difference has now sparked the desire to be different in every thought and action . As the saying goes

“They laughed at me cause I was different

I laughed at them cause they were all the same!”

No matter how many insults, disapprovals and disappointments the world throws at me today, I have learnt to give one golden answer to all of themmaxresdefault

“FUCK YOU! I SURVIVE!!”