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NOT EXACTLY Mr. PERFECT


The confessions of an obnoxious fat guy

Have you ever had the distinct privilege of walking into a kindergarten class room? You would find 50 kids engrossed in their own worlds completely oblivious to the futile endeavors of their young teacher in trying to control them. The concepts of discipline and decorum are as alien to the class as they are to the parliament of India. Amongst all the chaos you would find a plump, rolly-polly kid whose cheeks are hanging out like those of a bull dog. That ‘lucky’ kid whom teenage girls would look at and go, “awww!!” That ‘lucky’ kid in every kg class whom hot teachers love to hug and play with. Have you ever wondered what happens to that ‘lucky’ kid as he grew up???

Don’t worry if u haven’t, because in a normal scenario even I wouldn’t have bothered to think about but by strange twist of fate that ‘lucky’ kid happened to be me.

fat_kid

@age13

After a decade the cute adorable child grew up into a “chubby kid”. The onset of teenage coupled with `the raging hormones made my environment the battle ground of the wanna be cool guys and the wanna be hot girls. When all the guys were dreaming of getting the six pack abs and the girls were dreaming of the perfect size zero, my obsession remained with my mom’s hot idly and sambhar(BTW it remains as my biggest addiction till date). When my cohorts were busy day dreaming about the mysterious adventures of the closed bedrooms, my dreams were filled with the delicious mysteries of the next day menu!

Owing to the generosity of some of my ‘so-called’ friends numerous aliases became part of my identity, but like a thesaurus all these names had a single meaning,” fatso”.

These nick names which offended me initially later became a blessing in disguise!

@age 22

Any normal guy of the gen y would have atleast once in his life time faced the perils of being “friend-zoned”. It is one of the biggest traps possessed by the females of our species to tackle the approaching male,but have you ever heard of a much more sophisticated,specialised equipment called the “bro-zone”!

Quick witted,intriguing, diplomatically honest,three abstract adjectives that remain close to the hearts of most girls but remains alien to almost all boys. I was blessed to have all of the three desirable virtues but I was also blessed with three more attributes that described me perfectly, ‘short’,’dark’,’stout’.

So what do girls do with a guy with a perfect software and not so perfect hardware?

That’s where the specialized equipment comes into play. The guy is more than just a friend but definitely can’t be a boyfriend so he gets “bro-zoned”!!!

After getting bro-zoned, a good number of times(though I am thankful to all those girls now for doing me the favour) I finally found a girl(at least I thought I did) who was a rule breaker just like me, a rebellious soul just like me and an intellectual unlike me.

Every guy has a certain characteristic that he wishes his girl would posses. It changes from person to person based on various factors. I always wanted my girl to be

       “Bold and Beautiful”

But through her amazing attitude she redefined my taste and made me realize

         “Bold is Beautiful”

Unlike conventional depictions of a girl, my description of her never includes any trivial details such as her complexion, height, weight, beauty or for that matter even her name, because none of all that never really mattered to me. Like a true sapiosexual attraction I was only attracted to her intelligence and attitude, truly nothing else (but expecting the same gesture from her in return was too much to ask I guess).She managed to make me feel so comfortable that I even for a moment forgot the years of accumulated inhibitions successfully piled up by the persistent physical abuses, frustration created due to use of derogatory nick names and the pain of all being the odd one of the crowd and asked her out! But she reminded me of all the pain with simple reply that she uttered without a small bit of hesitation

“Sorry! But you are not exactly my Mr. Perfect”

Her answer, though initially shocking was a revelation in many ways.

Though you see only one version of yourself, to the world there are two

  • The real you
  • The man you see in the mirror

Unfortunately the ‘man in the mirror’ is valued much more than you are. Though the world might say otherwise the seduction of the eye is still the most important factor in the opinion of the world.‘Tall &handsome’ guys and ‘fair and lovely’ maidens are still the templates the world embraces and if you are any different the world despises you for that.

All through childhood being “normal” was a luxury that eluded me. Thanks to my “king sized” physique I could never be one among the crowd, but as time rolled on a new awakening dawned on me,normalcy is the cancer that makes us all lead a stereotyped life. The world doesn’t want me to be different but that is exactly what I am. What started out as a physical difference has now sparked the desire to be different in every thought and action . As the saying goes

“They laughed at me cause I was different

I laughed at them cause they were all the same!”

No matter how many insults, disapprovals and disappointments the world throws at me today, I have learnt to give one golden answer to all of themmaxresdefault

“FUCK YOU! I SURVIVE!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

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